David Howard, Sr.'s original e-mail about his wife's death
September 8, 2003 - 1:45 p.m.
Dear Friends,
On Saturday, September 6, my beloved wife of 53 years, Phyllis, went
suddenly and unexpectedly home to be with the Lord she loved and served.
Phyllis was swimming alone in the pool here at Shell Point, the retirement
community of the Christian & Missionary Alliance in Fort Myers, Florida,
where we had moved in June. She was struck with a massive aneurysm and
probably died immediately. Two men were at the pool, one of whom was
watching her, as he was concerned that she was swimming alone. When she suddenly
stopped swimming and floated, the two men immediately pulled her out.
In the providence of God, one of the men is a medical doctor. He immediately
examined her and applied CPR. However, there were no vital signs in her body.
They called 911, and the response was rapid. She was taken by helicopter
to Lee Memorial Hospital in Fort Myers and was given all possible medical
help. Examinations proved that she was brain dead, but she was put under
life-support systems.
Sadly I was not at home. I was in N.Y. attending the U.S. Open
tennis tournament as a guest of my first cousin, Frank Gillingham.
When we returned to the hotel Saturday night after the semifinal matches,
two phone messages awaited us. One was telling him that his wife was
dying in
Frank and I immediately made frantic phone calls and preparations to return
to our homes. I am sad to report that Frank's wife, Kay, died Sunday
night. My son, Stephen, who is an American Airlines pilot, was able
to make reservations for me to return home early Sunday a.m. He met
me in Miami and drove me immediately to Fort Myers, where I saw "the
earthly tabernacle" of my beloved Phyllis. There were no signs
of life, and the doctor informed me that there was no hope of reviving her.
My good friend from Boca Raton, Dr. Orton Stokke
(a physician who was our Sunday School teacher when we lived there) informed
me graciously that when we ordered the life support to be removed,
"You are not terminating her life; God already did that."
Our four children, David Jr., Stephen, Beth, and Michael all came
immediately by Sunday afternoon. Stephen's wife, Cindy, in the meantime
had done a massive job of informing friends and making initial arrangements.
My sister, Ginny Sohn, also did the same informing
family and others.
The four children all had opportunity to spend quiet moments alone with
her body. I do not say "with her," because we know that she
is with the Lord. Then the five of us had dinner together in a nice
restaurant and enjoyed wonderful fellowship. The Lord allowed us to
speak seriously, to weep as needed, and then to have some delightful
times of reminiscing and laughing hilariously, as we remembered aspects of
our family life together. I thank the Lord for the gift of emotions
such as weeping when needed and laughing also when needed.
Today we are planning a memorial service to be held on Friday, Sept. 12, in
The Village Church of Shell Point here in Fort Myers. The time and other details
are not finalized yet. We probably will have Phyllis' body shipped to
Montana and buried in a lovely little cemetery in Edgar, Montana, where her
parents and grandparents and other relatives are buried close to the ranch
where Phyllis spent her childhood. There are two plots next to her parents
assigned to us.
We are all so deeply grateful for Phyllis' beautiful life. Her love for
her family and friends has always been evident. I have never met a more unselfish
person. She never thought about herself, but rather always looked for
the needs and desires of others. We all agreed that in addition to being
thankful for her life, we are glad about two things: she went home quietly
and swiftly in the manner she always wished for, not becoming a burden
on others; and she went home while doing what she loved doing, that
is swimming.
For the moment let me say that the Lord is sustaining us in tender ways.
The first Scripture that I read on Sunday a.m. from the Daily Light was
"Rejoice in hope... the hope which is laid up in heaven for you."
The Monday portion of the Daily Light includes these encouraging
words: "The Lord Jesus Christ...shall change our vile body, that it may
be fashioned like unto His glorious body" and also "I am
the resurrection and the life: he that believeth on me, though her were
dead, yet shall he live." There were many other comforting
words, such as this from my regular Psalm reading for the day on Sunday: e
"The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree...they will bear fruit in old
age, they will stay fresh and green." This describes exactly what
Phyllis was doing at age 76, when she moved on to higher ground.
Please remember my four children, our thirteen grandchildren, and me
as we make plans for the next steps, that we will experience the gracious
upholding of the Lord.
With love and appreciation to all of you,
Dave Howard